A Quiet Reflection
by Fyrrestarr
Summary: Sirius Black reminisces about Lily Evans on her wedding day. Starts when they first meet.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**** These will be short chapters with two years per chapter. Please review if you have time.**

**Copyright Notice: ****I do not own the Harry Potter world or any of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.**

Lily Evans. Soon to be Potter.

When I first met her, I thought she was pretty cool. We were on our way to Hogwarts for the first time and she helped me get my luggage onto the train, since my parents had left me stranded there. The second time I saw her, I lost some respect for her. She was hanging out with that stupid, slimy git, Snivellus. Her sassiness almost impressed me though when she stalked out of the compartment. Then the moment came. James Potter. My new best friend and brother declared he loved her and would marry her one day. That was only the beginning.

We got off the train and all headed towards the voice shouting first years. Of course, James and I quickly ran over there, dragging the semi-reluctant Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, whom we had met on the train. I started to dislike Lily slightly after she yelled at us for tipping our boat and hers (which she shared with Snivellus). Then we were sorted. And she ended up in Gryffindor. I didn't really mind so much that she was in Gryffindor per say, it was more the fact that she was upset about it and would rather have been sorted into Slytherin. Of all houses, Slytherin. I guess that it especially bothered me because my whole family was or had been in Slytherin and they were all very evil. She didn't look especially evil, only like a super goody two-shoes. Then as the year went on she began to annoy me more. She rarely ever fell victim to any of the Marauder's pranks and when she did, she always had a nasty revenge hex for us. And as if that wasn't enough, she busted us for our other pranks, getting us in tons of trouble. The worst though, was that by the end of the year she was really good friends with Remus, so that made me feel like she was stealing one of my friends. After all he, James, and Peter were the first friends I ever had. She was popular with almost everyone, so she shouldn't have been trying to take my friend away.

Then came second year... It started out much the same. She still annoyed me and she was still friends with Remus. Lily still managed to escape our pranks and get us in trouble (she was still such a stickler for the rules). Then Christmas break came around. James, Remus, Lily, three seventh years, and I were the only Gryffindors left. So, being the boys we were, we decided to prank Lily. But when we entered to common room, we saw her sitting in an armchair by the fireplace holding a letter and crying (I later found out that it was from her sister). James being the nice guy he is (and the fact that he can't stand hearing or seeing anyone cry) went over to comfort her. Only he ended up saying something stupid on accident trying to make her laugh and she hit him with a hex…that we weren't supposed to learn until 5th year. That's when the minor infatuation that he had before became a super-ultra-mega-gigantic crush. He was beyond impressed with her spellwork and her. He began to track her every move to find out everything he could about her (which was more than a little creepy and led to a lot of awkward situations). He began planning and obsessing about the perfect 1st date he would take her on. It took forever to plan and by the time he was finished, the end of second year had arrived. So we said goodbye to Lily for another summer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**** Please review if you have time.**

**Copyright Notice: ****I do not own the Harry Potter world or any of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.**

Third year arrived… Somehow over the summer Lily had found out about James "stalking" her and all that stuff, so she developed major anti-James feelings and swore to never go out with him or even be friends with him. I could tell it really hurt him. He pretended to laugh it off in public, but when we were in our room, hurt and sadness shone brightly in his eyes. As his best friend and brother, I couldn't stand it that she hurt him. And so with every biting comment and retort she gave him, I grew to dislike her. I decided that year that there was no way we would ever be friends. I simply couldn't be friends with such a hurtful and judgmental person. Remus stayed friends with her though and Peter continued to take tutoring lessons from her. I wasn't really worried about Peter being on friendly terms with her. He needed the help and they only ever focused on schoolwork. But it was way different with Remus. They were friends... close friends. The other Marauders and I had figured out over the summer that Remus was a werewolf and had confronted him on it. Knowing this made us a bit more protective of him. We already were because he was so small and shy, but now that we knew why, we were determined to make sure nobody ever found out his secret and hurt him. James, Peter, and Remus never worried about Lily finding out. But I did. She was a complete rule follower and was probably afraid and prejudiced against werewolves. I firmly believed because of this, that if she ever found out, she would do everything in her power to have Remus ostracized and kicked out. So I was nasty to her. I played mean tricks on her and spread some rumors. I even tried to do the same to Remus on a lesser scale. Needless to say, it didn't work out well. Remus was mad at me and Lily hated me. I didn't really care about Lily's hatred for me since we weren't friends, but Remus was my brother and his feelings mattered. After about two months of terrorization, he finally shouted at me and made me feel guilty so I stopped. Much to my chagrin he continued to hang out with Lily. I hated it and I couldn't stand her.

During November of that year, Dumbledore decided to be odd and host a Thanksgiving feast, even though we don't celebrate it. So the rest of the Marauders and I decided to continue on with our quest to become the biggest pranksters Hogwarts has ever known. We, of course, planned a huge prank complete with our signature Marauder flourish. We would have gotten away with it, but Lily informed Dumbledore that it was us. That only increased my already monumental dislike of her. In retrospect though, I realize that we would have eventually been caught. McGonagall and Dumbledore were too wise to let that slip by them without assigned some sort of punishment. Anyways, between then and Christmas break, I tried to avoid Lily as much as I possibly could. She irritated me and I irritated her. Her anti-James feelings progressed into shouting matches between the two of them. She called him arrogant, stuck-up, and stalker. He called her a know-it-all, bossy, and judgmental. Overall, it wasn't a very pleasant time. Her comments hurt him deeply. And his comments often left Lily stalking away with tears shining in her eyes.

Christmas break finally arrived and it was highly celebrated. Everyone needed a break from each other, especially Lily, James, and I. Once again, Remus, Peter, and I went to go spend the Christmas at James's house. I found out later Lily stayed behind again. After the new year, when we all returned, I also found out that she was the only Gryffindor to stay behind and was stuck with two Ravenclaw's and one Hufflepuff the whole time. It made me feel bad for her, which made me angry at myself because I didn't want to feel bad for her; I didn't like her or Snivellus.

Something else had also changed over the break. Lily had become quieter, more reserved, and rarely talked to or argued with anyone, even James. She didn't even talk with her roommates Marlene, Alice, and Hestia as often. It was weird, very weird. I couldn't help but notice it. And neither could anyone else. Her fiery spirit seemed to have disappeared and all she cared about was school work. At the beginning of February she just disappeared for a week and a half. It just about drove James crazy. Peter, Remus, and I did everything we did to keep him calm, but eventually we ended up visiting Dumbledore. That was the moment when I knew I could never really hate her or even dislike her. We learned then that her dad and mom were killed in the first of what would become many death eater attacks. In addition to that we learned that her sister was as prejudiced against her as my family is against her. She was considered an abomination by both worlds. Just like me. James offered his parents as possible new guardians, but Lily was already going to go live with her last living grandma. We finished out the year much the same as before. Lily avoided everyone and threw herself into her schoolwork with a strong, renewed vigor. She still hated James and myself, but chose to ignore us.

* * *

On the train back to Hogwarts for our fourth year of school, it became clear that Lily was mostly herself again. She talked and laughed with her friends and she reprimanded the Marauders and me for misbehaving. James noticed right away that she was still friends with Snivellus and made it his resolution for the year to make Lily realize that Snivellus was falling in with the death eater crowd. We tried to talk him out of it, but as usual when he sets his heart on something he is extremely stubborn.

And so the year began. Fights between Lily and James became frequent and annoying occurrences. Barely a day passed where we didn't hear screaming from one or both of them. Lily was still friends with Remus and they still hung out. I was more relaxed about it this year. I figured if she hadn't figured out by then that Remus was a werewolf, she probably wasn't ever going to. This was also the year I noticed her unfailing kindness to the younger students. No matter how busy she was or what she was doing, she was always willing to help them with their schoolwork or with personal matters. She quickly became a favorite throughout Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff. She seemed to have tolerance and compassion for everyone except James and I, but mostly James.

This year was the big beginning of all things Marauders, despite Lily's efforts to make it not so. James and I were quidditch stars. The Marauders and I were considered to be the most popular and fun guys in the school. We played endless amounts of pranks, both big and small. In addition, we started our process of becoming Animagus and created the map. It was a great time with lots of celebrations and achievements. But Lily Evans was always there to shoot us down. She disapproved of everything we did and made it very clear to all of us. By the time Christmas arrived this year, I think the teachers were quite happy to be rid of us all. Even I was sick and tired of all the verbal attacks and arguing.

The New Year arrived in sorrow and death. Voldemort and his death eaters were increasing in power and were attacking both the muggle and magical worlds. The Ministry of Magic tried to keep as much as they could quiet, but with James's parents being aurors, we learned a lot about what was happening. At school the Slytherins became more vocal about their dislike for anyone without "pure" blood. Lily began to lose popularity and people began to avoid her. Nobody wanted to be hurt by the Slytherins for associating with her. I could tell it just about crushed her every time someone called her a mudblood or told her she wasn't worthy enough to learn magic. I cringed whenever I heard her greasy friend try and comfort her. It was such a joke; he was doing the exact same things his death eater friends were to everyone except Lily. It made me mad and it nearly drove James insane. He wanted desperately to prove to Lily that her so called friend was lying to her and was only nice to her because he loved her. James tried to tell Lily this, but it never worked. So James took it out on Snivellus, and I helped.

James didn't give up though. He declared his love for Lily and asked her out every day in new and creative ways. And every day she shot him down. It made him bitter and upset when he wasn't in public. Only Remus, Peter, and I knew just how much he was bothered by Lily's rejections. We encouraged to persevere though, not because we liked Lily (well, Remus did), but because we couldn't stand James being so depressed and upset. When one of us was depressed and upset, the rest of us were.

Easter break came and passed, as did our final exams. Before we knew it, it was the last feast of the year and Dumbledore was bidding us all goodbye and telling us to be constantly vigilant over the summer. The world outside Hogwarts had become a dark and dangerous place. Voldemort gained more followers every day and his death eaters attacked someone or somewhere almost every other day.

The next day James tried one more time, to no avail, to get Lily to agree to go on a date with him or hang out with him over the summer, but she just yelled at him for being an arrogant, spoiled brat. She told him that she would never agree to go on a date with him, not even if he were the last man on Earth. He just laughed and told her one day they would get married. Though I didn't like Lily, it was hilarious to see her fast turn bright red, watch her slap him, storm on to the train, and slam a compartment door. And so we parted ways for the summer. I went home with James for the first two months, where I was dragged into helping him write and send love poetry and notes to Lily. They were always returned with a big, red "NO!" on the front of them. Clearly, Lily was not warming up to James or me one single bit. I parted ways with James at the end of July, leaving him to his endeavors and leaving me to wonder what the next year of school would bring us.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**** I am only doing one year in this chapter because there is so much I would like to say. So, next chapter will include 6****th**** year and 7****th**** year, or maybe just 6****th**** year because I might also have so much to say. Please review if you have time.**

**Copyright Notice: ****I do not own the Harry Potter world or any of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.**

I met up with Remus, Peter, and James on the platform. We were all super optimistic and excited for the new school year. Peter got a girlfriend over the summer, a 4th year Hufflepuff. She was…nice, but I knew then that it wouldn't last long. Anyways, James and I had a whole notebook of prank ideas and the spells we needed to learn to accomplish them. We were ready to take Hogwarts by a storm. Remus was probably the most excited of all four of us. He had gotten the job of being a prefect. I didn't like it at first because that meant he'd have to follow the rules all the time and he'd have to force us to follow the rules, but it worked out well in the end.

This train ride was very different from previous years. We Marauders didn't see Lily at all, if fact, we never even saw her get on the train. Also, Remus spent a great deal of time in the prefect's carriage. By the time there was only twenty minutes left of the train ride, James had, with my help, mapped out his entire plan to get Lily to date him. It was very detailed and we (mostly James) both hoped it would work. The only problem was that we still hadn't seen Lily, which caused James to go into a slight oh-my-gosh-where-is-Lily panic attack. It got worse when her friends came to ask us if we had heard or seen Lily. And it finally escalated to complete panic attack when Remus told us that Lily was the other 5th year Gryffindor prefect, but she hadn't been at the meeting or on patrols. After the train stopped, James forced us all to race up to the castle so he could ask McGonagall where Lily was. As the good friends we were, we had no choice but to go with him.

That's when the year really started off badly. On our way to the Great Hall to find out where Lily was, we ran into none other than the missing Lily Evans. James asked her where she had been, why she was already at the castle, and why she hadn't been on the train. Lily took what were concerned and caring questions from James and interpreted them as rude, nosy questions from an arrogant immature boy (her words, not mine). And thus, the first yelling match of the year began, before the first day had even started. Ah, the memories. Such a good day that was. We managed to start off the year with negative points and a warning of future detentions.

Once again, most of this year's classes where Gryffindor and Slytherin combined, which meant that Snivellus and Lily were together in the same classroom James was. Not a very brilliant idea there. Snivellus and James constantly got into fights when James and I would play pranks on him. Those fights then led into arguments between James and Lily, where they would both say hurtful things that would cause Lily's eyes to fill up with unshed tears and James to storm away and rant about it later. They both hurt each other with their words and actions, but they were both much too stubborn to admit it. What really hurt James though, was having to watch stupid Snivellus comfort Lily after every disagreement. It hurt all of us, really, because we all knew that he was lying to Lily and all because he fancied her.

This year was also a much darker year. The outside world had become increasingly dangerous. The Daily Prophet was filled with stories of muggles and muggleborns being attacked. Fights between Slytherins and the other houses increased. People were being sent to the hospital wing on a daily basis. And the entire time, all eyes were on Lily. She was the most well known and most outspoken muggleborn there was. There wasn't a single person in the school who didn't know her name, her face, and the fact that both her parents had been muggles. She was targeted more often than anyone because of this. And also because she was one of the best and most powerful witches in the school and the Slytherins and other pure-blood snobs couldn't stand it. There were many times when James, Peter, and I used the map and cloak to sneak out and prevent an attack on Lily and Remus during their patrol. But during the day, there were countless number of times where we couldn't help on time. Those times resulted in Lily being horrifically insulted and occasionally attacked with spells. She also managed to rise above the insults in public and appear in control, but I also saw her many times in the common room, late at night, crying and throwing objects while fuming. She tried her best not to show everyone just how much the taunts and insults cut her. I learned just by witnessing a few of these moments, just how strong Lily really was. Being hated by both the magical and muggle world, people tried to tear her down with contempt, but she was stronger than they gave her credit for her. She continued on. She didn't hide her face or lower her gaze.

James's plan for Lily never seemed to go his way. The harder he tried, the more she hated him. At least it went like that until right before Christmas break. I can still remember that evening clearly. James, Remus, and I were walking back to the common room when we heard a shriek resound through the air. We all took off running, but by the time we got to where the shriek had come from, there was nobody there. We decided to split up and all go different directions to try and find out what had happened. James was the one who found out first. He heard a second shriek and came upon four Slytherin seventh years performing the Cruciatus Curse on Lily. He went crazy with anger and started to duel all of them at once. Remus and I arrived just in time to see the four of them flee after spending one last spell at Lily, which caused deep cuts to appear all over her body, staining her clothes and the floor with blood. Thankfully she was mostly unconscious for all of this. James wasted no time scooping her up in his arms, despite his injuries and racing towards the hospital wing with me and Remus. After Lily healed and was released from the infirmary, she and James agreed to go through a cordial phase. She figured that there were worse people in the world than James, especially since he had rescued her. Thus, there were no more shouting matches or arguments, only very tense, very polite, and very awkward exchanges of meaningless pleasantries. Thankfully Christmas break spared us anymore awkwardness.

We came back to school with a bang, the bang of lots of pranks and lots of fights. Snivellus and James upped the ante between them. Snivellus couldn't stand the fact that Lily and James were being semi-nice to each other. He was enraged with jealousy and took every opportunity to attack James. And he got his death eater friends to attack Remus, Peter, and I. Then came the biggest mistake of my life. After weeks upon weeks of cruel vicious attacks, many of which were directed towards Remus because he was the smallest of us and had been friends with Lily the longest, I stupidly told Snivellus how to get under the willow. I was kicked out of the Marauders and out of my room that very night. I lost the only friends I'd ever had. They wouldn't talk to me or look at me. I didn't exist to them and that caused me not to exist to other people because they were the most popular boys in school, and what they did, everyone else did. It was the worst time of my life and I would've quit Hogwarts if it hadn't been for Lily. For the first week of being outcast, I slept on one of the couches in the common room. Lily was my constant companion on the other side of the room at one of the work tables. She was already studying for the O.W.L.'s. We never talked. She sat there in silence and I sat on the couch in silence. Things changed the next week though. She sat on the chair next to my couch and did her schoolwork or read a book.

When I asked her what she was doing she said, "I see you sitting down here alone every night and your alone all day. I don't think I've ever seen anyone as sad as you are right now. So, I figured that you could use some company, even if it was silent and even if it was me. You don't deserve to be alone even though you think you deserve it and your friends think you deserve it. So, I'll be here with you until your friends realize just how much they need you and this feud between you guys ends." I still remember those words to this day. It was the moment when I realized why James liked her so much. She was smart, kind, beautiful, compassionate, and always knew exactly what other people needed. I resolved from then on to do everything in my power to get Lily and James together. We became friends that month. And we even managed to stay friends after I was back together with the Marauders. I also found out later that Lily was part of the reason Remus, Peter, and James stopped ignoring me and forgave me. Apparently she pestered them every day about it and kept telling them that they had to fix our disagreement. It evidently worked and the guys and I became friends again.

Despite being friends with Remus and me, and being on good terms with Peter, Lily still refused to be friends with James. Apparently during the weeks of James and me not talking, he and Lily had gotten into a fight of monstrous proportions about everything and had reverted back to their old ways of always squabbling. It was almost devastating. My time in exile with Lily finally made me realize just how perfect they were for each other and my whole plan to subtly get them together depended on them being friends. Their enmity was increased by the fact that Snivellus rubbed it in James's face every time that Lily wasn't around that James was no longer friends with her. Detentions piled up for James; the teachers always assumed he was the cause and attacked Snivellus unprovoked. And to make matters worse, Lily always happened upon the fights and assumed the same thing. Stupid, slimy, Snivellus of course played the poor pathetic boy and sucked up to her. I could tell though, that Lily wasn't completely sure of either James or Snivellus anymore though. Rumors of Snivellus helping to terrorize the muggleborns circulated around the school and they were hard to ignore.

The start of exams left everyone too exhausted to do anything other than eat, sleep, shower, and study. It provided a much needed break from everything other than school work. The "Defense Against the Dark Arts" was our last exam. We were so relieved to have finished it and it was super warm and nice outside, so outside we went. Since our 2nd year the regular, non-whomping willow down by the lake was considered the Marauders tree. A while later, after Snivellus was done with his exam, but before Lily was done with hers, we (mostly James, Peter, and I) got caught up in a prank on Snivellus. When Lily came out, it was a mess. She yelled at James, Snivellus called her mudblood, and she vowed to never be friends with Snivellus, James, or I. It was horrible. She ran off with tears in her eyes. For once, her words really seemed to have had an impact on James, only instead of maturing in that moment, he went back to pranking Snivellus…and I helped.

I didn't think it could get any worse than that, but that very night, our last night at Hogwarts for fifth year, it did. Lily stayed in the common room late that night. I only know this because James and I were going to head down to the kitchens when we heard Mary tell her that Snivellus was in the corridor waiting to talk to Lily. We watched as Lily left the room, heard her as she argued with Snivellus, and watched as she came running back in to collapse on a couch and sob. It was heartbreaking to watch, and I believe it is the moment where James and I truly realized that it was time to grow up a little.

The next day, we all got on the train to head back home. I went in search of Lily when there was only ten minutes left until our arrival on the platform. She was sitting alone in a compartment at the back of the train. I knew from her pink eyes and stained cheeks that she had been crying most of the ride. She was such a strong person in public; she never cried or appeared weak. But in private, I knew just how broken up she was about some things. I did my best to apologize to her on my and some of James's behalf. She accepted the apology…barely, but told me she just didn't want to talk to me right now and she never wanted to see James again.

Upon arriving at the platform, bad things happened. Green light flashed and screams resounded. The death eaters attacked quickly and then disappeared before the Aurors could arrive. Ten muggle parents/grandparents and five muggleborn witches and wizards died that day. Many more were extremely injured and some had been tortured with the Cruciatus Curse. Lily was once again one of those hit by the curse. James was nearby though and rescued her, but then he was hit. When the air cleared, James was half under some rubble with a large gash in his head. The medi-witches took him away without even telling us if he was alive or not. I looked around for Lily after I watched James be apparated away. She was sitting next to a group of bodies, rocking. It was her grandma and two of her roommates. I could feel my heart break once again for the redhead. She had lost everyone in her life now. Her family was either dead or hated her and now two of her friends were gone. I don't know how long we were there, but eventually Dumbledore arrived. He apparated Lily someplace and then came back and apparated me to the Potter's house, where Remus and Peter were already waiting for me.

It was the worst start to a summer ever. I worried about James and I worried about Lily. James was eventually released from St. Mungo's and came home. I went to my parent's house, but quickly returned after running away. Remus also spent most of the summer at James's house with me. It was a very quiet summer for the Marauders. We got our schoolwork done in the first month. We barely played any pranks or quidditch games. And we were all worried about Lily. Usually Remus received a few letter from her, but not this summer. None of the letters we sent to her were replied to. Dumbledore never came back to tell us where he took Lily and he wasn't answering our letters either. Eventually, McGonagall sent us a letter saying that Lily was safe and for us not to worry. That helped calm our worry just enough to put into writing a whole new plan for James to win Lily (even though he insisted he was going to give up on her after the O.W.L. incident, but we all knew he was lying; he would forever love Lily) and a whole new list of prank ideas for the coming year.

**Author's Note:**** I know this chapter was much longer than the others, so just in case you forgot, please review if you have time. It helps to know if you guys like it or not. And many thanks for reading!**


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